The Deception
by linwe viper emily nolatari
Summary: This story came out of nowhere, it's Kenshin talking about his life. Enishi comes back to haunt him and try to avenge his sister's death...please R&R, read! Please!
1. Chapter 1

I Know I promised I was never going to write another fan fiction again, but I couldn't help myself...this idea just hit me while I was in the shower and I just couldn't let it pass. So let's get it over with, shall we?

Ten years ago, I had loved and lost...

...and now...

I still can't find my place in life. I've drifted and wandered ever since _She _died. Nothing has ever been the same. Fate can be cruel sometimes, and I was one of its victims. She was the person that gave my sorry life meaning, really gave me a reason to live. I had no right to live, nor did I have the right to love her, but I did, and so did she. Before her, I was just a dead man walking. I ate, I slept, I had my flings, but nothing mattered, for inside I was dead. I was just a little more than an empty hollow thing. Food had only the taste of blood for me, sleep brought no rest to my disturbed soul, but then on the night that rained blood, everything changed. All the pain I had felt was suddenly lifted from my soul. I met her.

Life made sense again...

...then just as soon as I had gotten it, it was all taken away from us.

If you have never faced betrayal, pray that you will never in your path encounter a traitor, somebody that would back stab you in a blink of an eye. That is what happened to us.

Like I said before, I had no right to love her, for I had taken away her happiness, and revenge was what brought her to me. Previous to our fateful encounter, I had mercilessly slaughtered her fiancé, for you see I was an assassin. By a trick of destiny, we were together for a year, and even though I acted cold towards her, she learned to love me, as I did her. Then it all happened.

The shadow of revenge had not left us, and in the end she took her revenge on me. We were lured into a trap and I lost her. I was the one responsible for disappearance from this world; it was I that gave her the final blow.

When she died I thought I had died with her, and in a way I did, but my body still functioned. I continued through life, until finally my mission was done and I could finally amend for my sins.

Nowadays, I've settled down, but the ghosts of my bloody past still haunt me. Some old enemies still look to fight and kill the man I once was, but they don't know that he is already dead. I killed him when I laid down my sword and took up my sakabato.

"Kenshin!" I hear somebody call. I turn around and see Kaoru standing there. She probably wants me to do the laundry.

I walk towards her and ask her what she needs me to do. I was right; she wants me to do the laundry.

I don't mind doing this; I enjoy the company of Kaoru and the rest of the people who live at the dojo with her. There's never a dull moment.

After ten long years of self-sacrifice, I found my way to Tokyo where I met a young lonely girl. It was Kaoru.

I have been living with her for about a year, and what a great year it has been. I have never been happier in my life since _She_ happened.

I think I have found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but there's one thing that still bothers me. It is a ghost of my past that I wish would not return, but I know that he will come back sooner or later, and until he re-appears I can't live in total peace.

I fear for the people that I care for, because he has a deep hatred fro me, and he has all the right in the world to hate me, I was, after all, the one who killed the person we both cared about the most.

Yes, I killed her. Short and simple. It was my sword that cut through her flesh and tore everything it found in its path. It was his sister.

Yukishiro Enishi. His sister and my wife, Yukishiro Tomoe.

Uh…first chappie's done….hope u like it…..i did…..oh and don't think im a K/K fan, cus I'm not…..but…oh u'll see what I'm up too……and no im not gonna bash Kaoru so don't get offended b4 hand..k'?


	2. Chapter 2

As if life couldn't get any more complicated for me, I just received a very unexpected visit. I wasn't home to receive this person, but I know that when I do, it's going to be bad. Since I wasn't home, he left me a very unpleasant gift, Sanosuke-a friend of ours-, lying half- dead in the front door. Like I said before, there are many people trying to take me out, but in order to lure me to them they sometimes hurt others. I don't want that to happen, that was the reason why I spend ten years wandering, I couldn't bear the thought of losing anybody else I loved.

Fate is a very sad thing sometimes, for I came into this city and finally my heart found some peace, but that unsaid fear still lives within me. Try as I might, I can't bring myself to leave this place, and maybe I'm being selfish, but then again, haven't I denied my heart some peace for too long? Now, though, I think I'll have to re-think my priorities, for a friend of mine has been injured in the pursuit of my being.

My unexpected visitor is here. He's sitting on the floor, his cold calculating eyes taking in everything they can from the place I call my home now. He was one of my fiercest rivals during the Revolution. Once, in a duel I almost lost my life to him, and we promised that one day we would finish our fight. I fear that that day has arrived.

I approach his sitting figure and speak.

'You were looking for me?' I ask.

He turned slowly, his eyes looking up and down my being.

'Not me, the government.' he tells me calmly.

I feel a cold sweat. I don't want to go back to work for the government. I am happy the way things are, but if the government is looking for me, it must be something important.

'I want nothing to do with the government.' I tell him sincerely.

He ignores what I said. 'It seems the government believes you are the only one who can kill your successor, Shishio Makoto.' he tells me.

'Shishio Makoto?' I repeat in a question.

'But before that, I must test your strength to see if ten years of inactivity haven't done an irremediable harm.' he says, putting his hand on the hilt of his sword.

I take a look at my surroundings, to see if there's anybody around, and I see Kaoru there. She's with Yakiko. I ask them to leave the room because it's dangerous, but Kaoru refuses. My adversary, Saito Hajime, pulls out his sword and I do the same. I can't run from this battle, it's inevitable.

The battle starts and I forget about everything around me. The only thing important to me is the man in front of me. I started fighting with my sakabato, but as the battle got fiercer and fierce4r, I reversed my blade to the other side.

Deep down I had wanted this fight for a long time. Saito is a formidable foe, and I have to keep all my senses open not to get killed. I can't hear Kaoru's pleas to stop, I don't want to hear her pleas; I want to see this fight to the end no matter what. I am willing to break the promise I made to _her_ of never killing again in order to see the end of this. This fight was not happening in the now, it was happening in the past.

My alter ego, the blood thirsty side of me was starting to emerge from the depths of my soul. For ten long years I had repressed it because I feared that if it ever got lose again, I would not be able to bring it back. I was going to stay the monster forever, but now, I didn't care. He was screaming to be let out, and I was condoning his emergence.

My eyes turn deadly, and it is not me anymore. My alter ego, Hitokiri Battosai, has taken over this fight; it was him after all who had originally fought Saito. He raises his sword and lunges at Saito. Saito blocks and dodges. My Hiten-Mitsurugi style is evenly matched with his Gatotsu, but this fight has to end with only one victor. I attack again and he blocks with his belt. He attacks me and I block with the sheath of my sword.

'In the next attack I'll cut off your head.' I warn him, and I meant it, but nothing happened. At that moment an officer barged into the dojo and ordered us to stop.

I reverted back to being me again, and Saito sheathed his sword.

The officer tells me the situation and it's bad. Shishio wants to burn Kyoto. I know that I have to go, even if I have to leave the person I care the most behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Saying goodbye to the person you care about the most is probably the hardest thing anybody could ever go through. I've now done that twice.

Ten years ago in a cruel twist of fate, I had to say goodbye forever to my beloved. Today I did the same, not knowing if I'll return from this mission or not. It was hard to tell her that I had to leave, she believes in me and in that I will come back to her alive and well. I am not too sure. Shishio is a very dangerous man, and I have gotten a bit rusty over the last ten years. I do not want to let my other half come out, after that fight with Saito; he's been very restless and wants to draw some blood. I cannot permit him to do that. I know it was a mistake letting him take over that fight with Saito, but there a very few men that can make me feel the urge to fight so palpable that it hurts. I do not know if Shishio will be one such man, but I have to be prepared to fight my inner demons as well as the ones that wander around this land. Whatever happens I have to come back alive, for her sake as well as mine.

I couldn't bring myself to say goodbye to any more people. I know I did wrong leaving all my friends behind without a goodbye, but leaving her crying without me giving a glance back at her fallen form, I knew that that was painful enough. I just hope that they will forgive me.

As I wandered alone, in a dreadful silence that I hadn't heard since I arrived at the dojo, my thoughts wandered to _her_ and what might have been if _she_ hadn't gotten in the way of my sword and died.

I was young and stupid, now I know that. My master warned me not to go fight that war, that I wasn't ready and that I would only be used, but my sense of justice was too strong in me to hear reasons. I left and fought the war. And he was right; they only used me.

In the process, I lost my humanity, became apathetic instead of empathetic. I felt no remorse in killing; I did as I was told.

How was I to know that by killing Kiyosato Akira, whom I thought was just a mere body guard, my life was ultimately going to become a great pain. It was his death that brought _her_ to me and our lives were both destroyed.

I remember she fainted after seeing me kill a man. Usually I would have killed any witness, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to kill her. She was beautiful.

Time passed and in a bizarre twist of events the leader of the people I worked for, Katsura Kogoro, gave us his blessing and we were to live together and pretend we were married. We learned to love each other and slowly our wounds were healing, but then again, wounds still leave scars behind, and those scars come back to haunt us.

The shadow of her dead fiancée was still there. Before his death at my hands, he managed to cut me and that wound kept bleeding until she came, but it was still a reminder of what I had done.

In the end, he took his revenge on me by taking her away. Her family despised me, but we ignored that simple fact, she ignored her brother, his threats or whatnot, and it killed her.

Since then, I've matured, and I want to come back to Tokyo, I don't want anybody else to suffer what I did when I lost the one I loved. If necessary, nobody should have to go through that pain, and I don't want to cause Kaoru pain.

My first encounter with Makimachi Misao didn't start off right.

A noise brought me back into reality. It was a young girl thief. She had sweet -talked a few men out of their money and they wanted payback, but she was pretty good and took them out without much effort.

I shall keep in mind never to try and talk a thief into giving back what doesn't belong to them, for I ended up losing my precious sakabato.

In the end, it all turned out fine, but now I have this girl chasing after me because she wants to know about something.

Another note to self, never have a reaction at the mention of a familiar name. That is how I unwillingly acquired my young companion. She is looking for Shinamori Aoshi, a man I met under not-so-nice- circumstances.

You see, one of my now friends, Takani Megumi, worked for this entrepreneur who forced her to make opium. She ran away, but this man, Takeda Kanryu, hired the Oniwabanshu to get her back. To make a long a story short, I fought their leader, Shinomori Aoshi and the rest of the group got killed by Kanryu. I don't want to tell this poor girl that.

She is spirited, which somewhat reminds me of Kaoru, but I must not think of her, she is safe in Tokyo, and I am headed towards Kyoto.

Finally I reached my destination. I am in the place that I had hoped never to return to. This place holds painful memories for me, and if it had been my choice I would never have returned.

Since I had Misao-dono traveling with me, I am now staying at their house, the Aoyia. She lives with her grandfather and the other members of the Oniwanbanshu. They are a good lot.

But now back to what is important. I must go look for my former master. Seijuro Hiko, so I can finish my training.

He wasn't easy to track down, but with the help of the people at the Aoyia I was able to track him down. He took up pottery and is now no more than a simple potter, but I know better.

He wasn't very happy to see me, but after much begging he finally agreed to teach me the Hiten Misurugi ryuu's last and deadliest attack. It was the amakeru ryu no hirameki. It was designed to slice right through your opponent, but as my sword is a reversed blade one, it can only bruise, not cut.

I am very pleased that he agreed to teach me the ultimate technique because I know that I don't deserve it in anyway, for I left in the middle of my training.

If I had listened to him back then, I would've never suffered as I did, but I also would've never met _her_.

It is ironic, if I had stayed and finish my training, I would have grown up "happy", but since I left I met the person that was going to make me the happiest man alive, but also make me the most miserable man on Earth.

I had avoided this city for ten years because it holds so many memories for me and I never thought that I was going to be back here to fight the person that took over my job after _she_ died.

He is going to be one formidable foe.

**Ok, I know I deviated a bit from what actually happened, but then again this is y it is called fan fiction….thanx 4 the reviews.**


	4. Chapter 4

The Juppongatana.

They are Shishio's elite, and before I can face him, I have to get through them, but I am not alone in this.

I had wished not to put any outsider in danger, but since I am staying at the Oniwabanshu's place, they got involved. They are a strong group of fighters, and they promised to cover me so I can focus on the major threat, which is Shishio.

Before I even accommodated myself in Kyoto, I faced Shishio's strongest man, Seta Soujirou. In our first encounter he managed to break my precious sakabato, and now I have to go look for the man that gave me the sword to get a new one.

Misao-dono and her grandfather accompanied me on my search of the man, only to find out he was dead and his son who took over makes no weapons.

I am now in a desperate situation, for I need a weapon, but I can't force the man to make me a sword if he gave up on making weapons.

I will need to find somebody that is willing to make me another sakabato.

'Who's going to do it?' Misao-dono asked me. I shrugged, not knowing, but in an

unfortunate stroke of luck, I learned that the man who gave me my sakabato had left behind one last sword at a temple. The bad news was that one of the Juppongatana also found out, and since he was a sword collector, he wanted the sword for himself, but in order to get it, he kidnapped the dead man's grandchild.

Sawagejou Chou was the man I was going to face. To say the truth, he was not very strong, but since I was weapon-less, it became more of a challenge. At a crucial moment in the battle, Misao-dono managed to grab the sword from the temple and throw it at me, but another problem aroused. I did not know if the sword was a sakabato or not, and taking it out in the middle of the battle with out knowing was a dangerous move. Finally I drew my sword and closed my eyes, not wanting to see what I was holding, but when I did open my eyes, Chou was defeated and I had a new sakabato.

And now, I carry a new sakabato. I do not know if a sakabato will defeat a madman like Shishio, but that is the only weapon I have.

I leave the Aoyia with a heavy heart, worrying about their safety, but they have assured me that they will be fine. I just have to believe in them.

I am now standing before Shishio's stronghold. What awaits for me in there is anyone's guess.

As I entered, I find myself face-to-face with Soujirou-san. I know what that means, before I can fight Shishio, I'll have to defeat him. I sigh, and pull out my sword.

The kid is good, very good, but my resolve in the end was stronger and I managed to defeat him. Now he is string at the floor, his expression blank. I feel for him, he has no place in this world, and I know exactly how that feels. The feelings of displacement, of not fitting in, of the unporpusenessless of life, those are all awful feelings to carry in one's soul.

Yumi-san walks into the room and she gives Soujirou-san a sad look before she focused on me.

'Come with me.' she tells me.

I follow her out of the room giving Soujirou-san's fallen form one last glance. I am worried of what he might do. Learning that what you believed in might be wrong can be painful, and in some cases it can lead to disaster. I just hope Soujirou-san will be smart, and not do anything he'll repent for the rest of his life.

Yumi-san leads me through a maze of rooms until we reach a door that leads to a yard. Shishio is standing there.

'I see you managed to defeat Soujirou.'

I don't respond, but place my hand on the hilt of my sword.

He laughs. 'Yumi.' he calls. Yumi-san comes to his side, and he gives her a passionate kiss, then he walks towards me.

'No playing games.' he warns me and pulls his sword. I had to be quick to dodge such a sudden attack. I knew he was good, for he was my successor after Tomoe died, but I had never seen his strength personally.

The fight was intense, and he had the upper hand. Once he managed to strike and bring me down. I lost all sense of anything, the world went black.

I could feel myself letting go. I was floating around in a pool of blackness, nothing filled the void; then I saw her. Her hand was outstretched, and she was smiling.

'My love, have you come for me?' I asked her.

She kept smiling, her smile unfaltering, her hand still stretched. As I extended my hand towards hers, I heard a voice.

'You can't leave me, please don't leave me.' It was her, it was Kaoru. It was at that moment that I remembered I had promised to come back to her, to return to Tokyo in one piece.

'Forgive me, but I cannot go with you. There's somebody waiting for me, but save that smile for me when it's time.' She disappeared, and I could feel my heart ache for her, but she was now a part of the past. I awoke once again in the midst of my battle with Shishio. I had only been gone for a few seconds, but it seemed as if I had been gone forever.

Yumi-san pleaded for Shishio to stop, that his body couldn't handle it and he was going to over heat, but Shishio, like me in my battle against Saitoh, would not listen to the voice of reason. He was so determined to fight that he cut through the one person that loved him.

I was in over my head, then it happened; Shishio fell to the floor on his knees and started having convulsions. I did not know what was happening, but I guessed it had to do with what Yumi-san was saying before she got mercilessly slaughtered by Shishio. Just as suddenly as all had started, it ended, and Shishio was no more.

I am on my way to Tokyo now. I have returned safely.

It was hard saying good-bye to all the new friends I made at the Aoyia, but they promised to come visit Tokyo, and I promised to bring Kaoru to Kyoto.

I have come to an important decision. I haven't told Kaoru about Tomoe yet, and I think it is now time.

I know it won't be easy, but I have to be honest with her.


	5. Chapter 5

"Kaoru-dono, I need to speak with you. Actually I need to speak with all of you."

I finally came out of my stupor. Upon my arrival to Tokyo I found myself in a very bad situation. What I had feared has finally happened. The greatest ghost from my past has returned from the depths of the hell I pushed him into, to take his revenge on me.

As I came home from the market, I saw his figure contrasted with the setting sun.

'Enishi?'

He smiled a twisted smile, 'Never thought you'd see me again?' he snarled.

The blood drained from my face. Enishi was back and I knew why he was here.

'You want revenge.' I stated.

He smiled. 'I want more than revenge. I want you to suffer as much as I have suffered for the past eleven years! Do you know how much pain I have been through because of you?'

He was in a state of extreme anger.

'I understand. You have all the right to want to take revenge on me for killing Tomoe.'

'You have no right to say my sister's name! Don't you ever say her name! That name is too pure to come out of your filthy mouth!' he spat.

'What do you want from me?' I asked him.

'I want to you to suffer.' He told me, then he said, 'Don't worry Tomoe, I will get revenge for you. You just keep smiling for me.' He was talking to the air besides him.

'Tomoe?' I asked, for at that moment I saw her too.

Enishi turned abruptly, 'You have no right to see her! Kenshin in ten days I will release hell in this city if you do not accept my challenge.'

I bowed my head, 'I will not run away. You have all the right in the world to hate me. I killed her.'

Enishi left, and I walked into the dojo lost in thought.

Enishi had returned to take revenge on me, and he was willing to do whatever it took to make me pay. For once in ten years, I felt truly scared for my friends, and especially fro Kaoru.

"What is it that you have to tell us, Ken-san?" Megumi asked.

"Kenshin, you are not looking well, maybe this could wait?" Kaoru said, concern obvious in her voice.

"No. This can no longer wait. I have been avoiding this subject for too long. I had planned to tell you about it when I returned from Kyoto."

There was heavy silence in the room.

"Two days ago I received a declaration of war…" I hear gasps, "…from my brother…" more gasps, " more accurately, my brother-in-law, Yukishiro Enishi."

I paused, then waited, and finally I started.

For three hours I told them about my past, the painful past I had tried to forget. They all sat still and said nothing. Finally I was done and there was nothing else for me to say or hide.

"I never knew you were in such pain." Kaoru said teary-eyed.

" Ken-san…." Megumi started, but she seemed at a lost of words.

I smiled at all of them.

"Thank You."

And now I have to wait ten days until Enishi attacks.


	6. Chapter 6

I do not know if those were the longest ten days of my life, or the shortest, all I know is that they are now gone and Enishi is standing in front of my being.

"I have no intention of running away. You can take your revenge on me." I say.

"Don't think you can get off so easy." Enishi tells me.

I turn to look at my friends. She is there, but right now, right this moment, this fight has nothing to do with my present or my future. I had always known that I had no future, even if I had a pass, for as long as Enishi was alive I could not really move forward.

'Oh Tomoe, please forgive me for my sins. Soon I will be joining you.'

I have no hopes of defeating Enishi, his anger, his reasons are a lot stronger than mine, and against that nobody can win.

'Kaoru-dono, Yahiko-kun, I do not want you to be in harms ways, so I ask of you, Please don't interfere. Enishi is a dangerous man and I have to do this.'

'You don't have to do this. Kenshin!' Kaoru pleaded, but I closed my ears to her, just as I done with my fight against Saito and faced Enishi.

I hear Kaoru sob in the background, but no matter how hard I had tried, I could not run away from my past, and Tomoe deserved to be avenged.

Without looking at her I say:

"Don't worry about me, I need to do this in order to move on forward, I just want you to get out of here so you won't be harmed."

The fight got underway, and it was intense. In the eleven years Enishi was gone, he'd aquired a fighting technique that could surpass my Hiten-Mitsurugi Ryu.

I am worn out, tired, and now I know that I can't win, his passion is just too much for me, I don't have the passion for this fight, I deserve to be killed for what I did to them; To Tomoe and to Enishi.

'I'm sorry Kaoru. I know you're strong and will find somebody better for you. Please forgive me, but this is good-bye.' I am thinking this as I fall to my knees. This is over; in a moment I will join Tomoe in the after life.

She's standing there, waiting for me, her hand outstretched, smiling, she's smiling at me.

I smile back, 'Thank You.', I say and wait for the final blow, but it never came.

"NO!" I hear and open my eyes. Kaoru is standing there, between Enishi and I. A feeling of dread overcomes me, I can't take the blood of another woman on my hands, I cannot. Another woman died for me, no, this can't be, it can't.

"Move woman! I cannot strike with you there!" Enishi screams, and I see that Kaoru is fine.

"I won't move, don't you see that this is enough? You really think this is what your sister wanted? She loved him; I don't think she's angry with him for what he did. I think she understands that it was an accident."

I cry, moved by those words, is it true? Tomoe have you really forgiven me for it? Do I deserve to be forgiven?

Enishi falls on his knees, holding his head "Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!YOU NEVER KNEW MY SISTER! YOU NEVER KNEW HER! HOW CAN YOU SAY SHE LOVED HIM? DON'T TALK ABOUT HER LIKE YOU KNEW HER! DON'T, DON'T!

I fall into a slumber, Enishi's screams in the background.

'Have you really forgiven me Tomoe?' I ask her again. I see her; she smiles and nods. Yes she has forgiven me, but why? I ask her, 'I'm leaving you again, for the third time, I am leaving you with your hand outstretched to me.' I tell her, I am crying.

'Do not cry,' she tells me, 'it is better this way. You will join me when the time is right. Just don't forget me.' And she's gone.

How can it be better this way, how? I asked myself that same question when she died in my arms, how? How can it be better?

'To…Tomoe!' I scream and wake up in Kaoru's arms. I notice that I am crying.

Enishi's sobs had subsided, and I leave Kaoru's embrace and walk towards Enishi.


	7. Chapter 7

I approach Enishi.

"Enishi, no matter how many times I say this, Tomoe will not come back and I cannot bring her back, but I want you to know that I am truly sorry for taking her away from you. I am not asking you to forgive me, what I did has no forgiveness, even if it was an accident, but you and I have to learn to live without her."

Enishi looks up; his eyes hold an unbearable amount of pain and hate. He let's out a dry laugh.

His revenge was not done, he'd said he wanted me to suffer and he was going to make me pay. He couldn't strike me because Kaoru would just get between us, but in his mind he had an even more sinister plan.

In a deadly calm voice he said things that I wish I'd never heard, for they stung in the farthest regions of my heart.

'I cannot believe that you threw my sister's memory out like that and for who? You traded my sister for somebody like her!' he said pointing at Kaoru, 'It wasn't enough for you to kill her, but you still had the nerve to fall in love again and with

something…somebody so…insignificant?' he finished, his words like virus, spreading and corroding all that it found in its way.

I am left speechless, Kaoru insignificant? No of course not.

"Enishi, do not insult Kaoru-dono." I say coldly. "Nobody can ever replace Tomoe in my heart, and Kaoru-dono is no exception. The place that Tomoe occupies in my heart is irreplaceable, but now Kaoru-dono occupies another part in my heart."

"Tomoe, Tomoe are you hearing what they are saying about you?" Enishi asks. I do not know what he saw or thought he heard, but he suddenly smiled and his eyes filled with warmth. "I understand sister." He said.

"Tomoe wants me to leave you alone, or she threatened never to smile at me again and I cannot let that happen." He said and left.

Enishi is gone now, but he left a void in my heart and mind. I cannot take the words he told me out of my head, and they are causing me an unbearable amount of pain.

After the fight, Kaoru came to me and asked if I was fine, I could see the worry in her eyes, and as to not worry her anymore, I nodded and smiled. Still she called our friend Megumi-dono, to tend to my wounds. Yahiko hadn't said anything all the while; maybe it was too much for a child to handle.

"What happened?" Megumi-dono asks.

I tell her what happened and she has a worried look on her face.

"You can't keep doing this or you'll die." She said gravely.

I give her a weak smile, "I do not think that I will be picking up my sword for another fight Megumi-dono, I have finally put the ghosts of my past to rest."

"I hope you are right." She says.


	8. Chapter 8

Over the course of the next few days, I was deep in thought.

What Enishi said had made me restless.

No. To him Kaoru was important; he did really love her, but just how much? He didn't want to hurt her in any way, and it was true what he'd told Enishi, she was not a replacement for Tomoe. Nobody could replace anybody; that much was true. Kaoru occupied another place in his heart.

The thing was that Kenshin didn't doubt his love for Kaoru; he doubted what kind of love he had for her. Was it a romantic love, or a brotherly love? Up until that moment, he had never doubted loving her as a woman, but now he wasn't so sure.

It was a love that started pure and still was. There was no lust, just simple love. Even with Tomoe, there had been an attraction first.

No, no no! I shook my head, I hadn't been this distraught since Tomoe had died in my arms and she had said it was better that way.  
Enishi had left me speechless.

I don't know what to do. I've been trying to avoid Kaoru because I don't know how to look at her now. I don't how I should act, or what should I say. I know that Enishi's words affected her too and that she needs me to reassure her, but right now I can't.

I hope she can forgive me, but until I can resolve my own feelings, I can't be good company for anybody.

'Ken-san, you cannot go on like that. You need to talk to Kaoru, she is deeply affected by what happened.' Megumi-dono advised me when she came to see us after she heard what had happened.

'I know, but I cannot face Kaoru-dono until I have resolved my feelings. I know that she wants me to reassure her, but I cannot offer her an answer right now.' I said.

'I understand, Ken-san, but if you are feeling so unsure and distraught, maybe it is a hint that you didn't love Kaoru like you thought you did.'

Once again I was left distraught.

'Don't look so horrified, I didn't say that you didn't love her, I just meant that maybe it's a different kind of love; Like a sister. Ken-san I want you to look deep inside of your heart and answer me these questions, then you'll know.'

Megumi-dono really was wise, even if she was younger that I. The questions she asked me were simple, but they rang true, in an instant, all my feelings were cleared.

'I know now, Megumi-dono. Thank you.'

"Do not thank me, Ken-san, it's the least I can do for you who helped me out so much, and for Kaoru, I couldn't let her be led the wrong way even if you didn't mean it.'

"I do have to apologize for telling her lies.'

'They weren't lies, Ken-san; you do love her, but just in a different way than you thought. You were just lonely and wanted to feel the warmth of another person, Kaoru opened her heart to you, and you accepted it, just like you accepted the warmth and love of the of us here. We all love you, and you love us, but now it is time for you to move on and find true love.'

Megumi-dono's words stung a bit. Was I really that lonely? So lonely that I tricked my heart into believing that I had fallen in love again? Yes, I was lonely, and when Kaoru-dono offered me a place to stay after so long, when I felt needed again, I was happy. I felt like I could fall in love again, but love had evaded me. Was I forever going to be bound to Tomoe's memory? Even if she had forgiven me, has she?

Tomoe, please answer, have you really forgiven me? I cry.

'It's ok to cry, Ken-san.' Megumi-dono assures me.

'I need an answer, Megumi-dono. An answer from her. Has she really forgiven me, Megumi-dono?'

'Ken-san, I do not know how to answer, but if the story you told us is true, then I am sure that Tomoe-san never resented you. She died for you.'

I cry.

'Thank you Megumi-dono. Thank you Tomoe.'


	9. Chapter 9

I can't cry any longer.

I can finally say that I have buried all my past demons to rest.

Enishi had been the last one of them.

Saito, well he was another story. I would probably face him again along the way, most likely our paths will cross, but that is not a fight with me, that is something that the battossai in me will have to deal with. That is something that I can't prevent. Battossai will emerge again, but I will only allow that, if and when we face Saito again.

I once again follow this lonely road, and I wonder where it will lead me to…

'Kaoru-dono…'

'Kenshin!' I could see the expectation in her eyes, the eyes that were going to show me the heart break that I am about to cause her.

Megumi-dono was standing a little ways from where we were. I had asked her that she not leave, I needed her to be there for Kaoru.

I start again, 'Kaoru-dono…'

'I'm so glad! I'm so happy that you are feeling alright now!'

I wish I didn't have to do this, but it would be unfair for her and I to go on like this.

'You and I were lonely souls that came together by coincidence. We bonded really well, and I learned to love you, but…' I see as her eyes lighten up then become clouded as I continue, 'Kaoru-dono, you are like a sister to me. I love you as a younger sister, nothing more.'

Tears spill out of her eyes, 'No, your joking right? It can't be true, can it? I must be hearing things…'she looks at Megumi-dono for support.

Megumi-dono lowers her gaze.

'Why?' she asks. 'Why would you do something like that?'

'I can't answer in a way that won't hurt you even more, all I can give you is the truth, or at the least my truth. I was lonely and I accepted your warmth with open arms, I needed to feel loved after all I have been through, and I never meant to use you in any way, I really thought that I loved you and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.'

'Then why don't you?'

'Because, I cannot. Megumi-dono helped me realize that I only love you as a sister and misleading you like that would do you and I no good.'

'Then, it was you Megumi?' she turned to ask Megumi-dono.

'Kaoru, it's for your own good. Ken-san has a good point, this situation will only hurt you both.'

'That's a lie, Megumi! You didn't do this for me! You have always loved Kenshin, right? You just want him for yourself.'

What Megumi-dono said surprised me.

Megumi-dono smiled, 'Yes, I must admit, I have always loved Ken-san, but I never tried to do anything about my feelings because you were there. I've always respected you Kaoru, and even if you chose not to believe that is the absolute truth. I know that there is no way that ken-san will ever return those feelings and I respect that too, and Kaoru, you should also respect Ken-san's feelings and accept them no matter how painful.'

Megumi-dono really was wiser than her age.

Kaoru-dono had cried a lot, but I am sure that she will find somebody that will suit her best, especially with the help of somebody like Megumi-dono.

'Ken-san, don't make heed to what I just said, I don't want you to feel burdened by what you have just heard. I just want you t be happy and I will be happy.'

'Thank you Megumi-dono.'

'Kaoru-dono, maybe some day I can return and you will forgive me. I hope you will be happy.'

Everybody at the dojo was surprised by the turn of events.

'You're really leaving?' Yahiko asked.

'I must, but maybe some day I will return.'

'I'll hold you up to that.' Sano cut in.

'It will all depend on Kaoru-dono.' I say.

As I walk without a destination, another chapter of my life closes.

I think I might visit Misao-dono and the people of the Aoyia.


End file.
